Sara's List of the "Best" Movies of 2013

Hello again friends! Today I'm going to talk about the best movies of 2013...with the caveat that these are really just the movies I saw and liked. I mean I didn't see 12 Years a Slave, or Inside Llewyn Davis, or even Gravity. It's not that I won't see them, just maybe not on the big screen. So here are my favorite movies of this year. 

1. FROZEN
THIS MOVIE. You guys. It's so great. First off the plot is excellent, I can't remember the last time I was so excited about an unexpected and unexpectedly wonderful ending. Sometimes the messages in Disney movies...I mean you know! Stockholm Syndrome, changing yourself for a guy, etc. But this one, I feel like they finally got over those tropes that are sometimes a little cringeworthy. Anyway, it was amazeballs, and the music is fantastic(if Let It Go doesn't win Best Original Song, I'll do something. Something, I tell you!), and Kristen Bell is my spirit animal.

2. The Way, Way Back
This movie was so hilarious. All movies could benefit from 100% more Sam Rockwell. It was just so funny and heartwarming. The ending was a bit shmeh, but who cares? Not me!

3. The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
I didn't even realize what low production values the first movie had until I saw this. But the movie didn't get lost at all in the CG, the focus was always on the characters and the plot. The monkey scene to me was kind of...whatever. But it was much better than the muttations in the first movie. Elizabeth Banks who played Effie did a great fantastic job in this movie also. She was my standout. I know a lot of people are saying Jena Malone was a standout, but honestly I felt like they didn't give her enough screentime to really shine. Anyway, this movie was great. It was all great. Movies can benefit from 100% more Jennifer Lawrence.

4. Iron Man 3
I super enjoyed this movie. Kind of unexpectedly too. I mean I think most trilogy-type franchises start with a great movie, then have a dud in the middle then end on a high note right? I mean LoTR did that. I'm sorry but Two Towers still makes me so ragey even to this day. BUT ANYWAY. Iron Man was great! Guy Pierce is a great bad guy, and the kid! Good job, kid for not making the movie suck! Also, how many great one-liners were there? So many.

5. Star Trek Into Darkness
Because shut up I loved it. 

6. Frances Ha
I love Greta Gerwig! Who doesn't, amirite? And as you may have guessed, I love movies that emphasize the importance of non romantic love in people's lives. It's like a best friend love story! It's complicated and you fight a lot, but real best friends are forevs. 

7. Now You See Me
This movie was another unexpected joy. It's about MAGIC you guys! MAGIC! But also, really good plot twists and stunts and pacing, and Mark Ruffalo! Movies can benefit from 100% more Mark Ruffalo.

So there you are friends! A list that encompasses the best of 2013(that I watched) and also I think encompasses my personality. Happy Xmas Eve y'all!

Ice Castles: A highly scientific analysis

Hey there friendship! Today I am going to review Ice Castles(the new one) from the perspective of a skating fan who doesn't usually watch movies about figure skating because they aren't realistic. Yea. So. Let's jump right in.

Now that I'm really looking at this cover, I can see they are really emphasizing Michelle Kwan's cameo, which is the right move. In fact if I were in charge of this show, I'd get rid of this canoodling couple(I don't even know who these actors are) and just put Michelle front and center.

1. Apparently the main girl is a real skater, she came in 14th at Nationals in like 2006, so good casting I guess.

2. Her dad is Conrad Grayson from Revenge!

3. Seriously, you CANNOT do 4 double axels in one routine. It is AGAINST THE RULES. You can do the same jump twice, and it must be done once in combination and once by itself for you to get points. Also, why does she keep doing falling leaf jumps? And the crowd keeps clapping? AND! Why are the stands so packed!? It's not even a regional competition, they should be empty! UGH.

4. Her face is kind of driving me crazy. I mean she is pretty but like, the whole wide eyed thing is dumb. It's a little Kristen Stewart-ish in the way that she keeps doing it and it makes me think she's physically incapable of making other expressions.

5. This girl who is supposed to be her rival and really good, she totally two-footed a landing. 

6. Her coach is totally creeping me out. Is he hitting on her? Yuck. 

7. I do like that she is skating to Firebird though. It's ambitious. Oh. And look at that, another double axel. OH! But she can do other jumps! She keeps leaning outside of the circle though, that's not very good technique. Ugh, and another falling leaf. Well, this performance at regionals is fine for a regionals performance. But again, her jump technique is a bit shoddy. 

8. Ok so now the coach is yelling at her, that's probably realistic, I don't know. But she is a terrible actress. Oh she's so sweet and shy and UUUUUGGGHHH puke. You know what the problem is, it's that she overacts. It's probably because when you're a skater you have to sell everything so that the people sitting waaaaay in the back can see what you're doing with your facial muscles. I wish someone would tell her the camera is right up in her shit so she doesn't have to do that. 

9. I just realized we only have an hour left in this movie and she still has full eyesight. Anyway, now sadface boyfriend realizes she's not at his hockey game. Boohoo. This movie has turned into like 20 minutes of phone tag. I DON'T CARE. 

10. So she's never comepeted at nationals before and she's a "media darling?" AND NOW SHE'S ON THE COVER OF IFS!? Uhm. No, she's never competed internationally before, junior or senior and she's on the cover? That's like if someone on cable access got on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. Methinks otherwise.

11. Omg, I just relized her boyfriend is one of the "masseurs" in The Client List, which was a craptacular show(I watched like a season and a half of it, nbd).

12. Sad breakup montage. I don't care. They both cope by skating. Real subtle, movie. 

13. He's not a very good coach if he can't even get her to lean inside the circle. Also, does the movie want me to like the coach or hate him? First he was kind of awful and then he's nice to her about her breakup?

14. Haha, an Icenetwork ticker. Way to namedrop, movie.

15. I like how there's like a paparazzi frenzy on the way into the rink. Because being a figure skater with questionable technique is just like being in the NBA!

16. And look, sadface boyfriend is at Sectionals to watch crazy hair girlfriend. Doing falling leaf jumps. I like how they cut away in the middle of the jump to a different angle. They can't show a continuous shot of her jumps because she isn't good enough to land them. But sadface boyfriend doesn't care! Uncomfortably close shots of his face tell the audience he thinks she's really good. Just in case that wasn't drilled into us before.

17. SHE KISSED HER COACH. WTF. Like how old is everyone here, because ew. 

18. You do not get to go back on the ice for a curtain call! Wtf. So much wtf. 

19. This movie kind of reminds me of Honey. Except that Jessica Alba can act. And dance. ZING, Taylor. Didn't this girl have any say in the movie about realism? Maybe she didn't care as long as she got to be the lead.

20. This movie is so dumb. So the girl goes outside to skate and EVERYONE goes to the window to stare out at her like they've never seen such a thing before?

21. This movie is reaaaaal casual about the whole blindness thing when they're introducing the idea. So she just falls and bumps her head a little and all of a sudden she's blind? Is that a thing? Does this really happen?

22. And, she is kind of a bitch to her coach about the whole, "My career is over" thing. Which makes me like her more? I don't know, it's honestly the first time she's exhibited anything approximating a personality.

23. I do like how they've decorated the sets, pics of Sasha Cohen, Yu Na Kim, MK. Well done, set people. 

24. Sadface Lexie only has half an hour to stop being so sadface. On the other hand, now she and sadface boyfriend have something in common. So. 

25. That's right, you yell at her Conrad Grayson! She actually said "It's slippery" in reference to the ice. *Picard facepalm*

26. Oh look, sadface boyfriend is back. I like that he called her a wuss. But also, like why is he all forcing her to hang out with him? She doesn't want to be around you pal! 

27. She's not very convincing at being a blind person. Also sadface boyfriend is kind of mean. He keeps letting her just run into stuff. And CAN she see? The movie keeps implying that she can kind of see, like blurry stuff. I wonder if blind people can actually skate like this.

28. MICHELLE! I'm always amazed when she cameos in these kinds of shit movies. Oh and look the coach is back. I'm assuming since sadface boyfriend is in college that Lexie is also college-aged, so her coach isn't a total sleaze? So, good for you, guy.

29. Oh and look! It's Sandra Bezic. She's actually kind of terrible as a commentator. At the Olympics she's always saying things like,  "She knew when she came here, she had to skate with an open heart or she'd lose everything!" Yea. It's things like that, that get figure skating made fun of. 

30. Just a nitpick here, but HOW UGLY is her costume for nationals? What's with the abdomen window? It kind of seems like a retread of Michelle's Lyra Angelica outfit and routine. Which I'm not ok with. Also, what happens if she falls during the routine, how will she get her bearings to keep skating? Maybe she'd just stop altogether. Go big or go home. Oh, and look she's done the same spin combination and jumps multiple times in one program, because that's not against the rules! And why does everyone only skate the long program? Where is the short program? I guess in the movie universe, they don't have to do that. 

31. Ruh roh, drama when she trips on the teddy bears. Are people going to find out that she's blind!? How could they have missed it? That's the real question. No, instead she just kisses sadface boyfriend. GET OFF THE ICE!

Ok, and that's a good place to stop, because the movie is over. THANKFULLY. They don't tell us where she placed, which is good because I don't care. I'm going to tell myself that this was a made-for-tv movie and that the original is probably better, but seriously. No wonder no one takes figure skating seriously when there are movies like this. 

Anyway, if you are looking for a good movie about sports... this isn't for you. Also if you're a figure skating fan...this isn't for you. I recommend the Cutting Edge, really the only acceptable figure skating movie I've seen. TOE PIIIIIIICK!

Chick Flick Night? Movies That Imply Love Overcomes Mental Illness

Hello friendship! And welcome to today's pseudo chick flick night. The movies I'm going to talk about today are all movies that I enjoy, however, they are also movies that imply however gently or less gently that love overcomes every obstacle! Including serious mental issues! Let's just all recognize that this is purely ridiculous and movies are meant for entertainment and then move on. 

1. Silver Linings Playbook

I mean, this was a great movie, amirite! However, both of the lead actors were CRAY. I mean, so his character had bipolar, which, ok. But he doesn't medicate! I feel like movies featuring mental illness should state in some very plain way that when mentally ill people take medication and then feel better, they should KEEP TAKING IT. It's the medication that makes you feel better! I mean real life stories here, but srsly, take your medication. And her... I mean what is even her issue? I don't know, but anyway she's pretty off kilter, that's obvious. And then, at the end of the movie, he figures out that she loves him and he's ALL BETTER FROM BIPOLAR DISORDER. Like he stops being hate-ragey at his wife? I don't even know. And then epilogue they are both healthy and wonderful and the world is made of butterflies and sunshine. 

2. Garden State

Ok, so full confession. I never loved this movie. I think I was over the whole manic pixie dream girl thing before it was even a thing(yea, take that hipsters). So, she is a MPDG, and a pathological liar. But it's all ok, because her gentleman caller(mourning the very recent loss of his disabled mother-A DISABILITY WHICH HE SORT OF CAUSED) loves her. So they live happily until next weekend when she cheats and lies about it and he finds out and leaves town forever. YEA. How about that for an epilogue!? That would actually be the plot of Garden State the TV show. Oh my god, please let that never be a thing.

3. Proof

I loved this movie. GOOP is cray! Isn't that fun and new! Side note, why isn't Jake Gyllenhaal in movies anymore? Anyway, so she has bipolar? It's unclear. But she's pretty! So obviously, she'll never have trouble finding love in the form of JG. Also, she's a genius! So then at the end, JG feels bad for, like I don't even know, thinking she wasn't a genius? So he apologizes or something and then she stands up to her sister and LOVE REIGNS SUPREME. Maybe I should do a Chick Flick Night for movies that imply beauty overcomes all obstacles. There would certainly be an embarrassment of riches in that category, I'll tell you that much for free. 

4. Quigley Down Under

I haven't seen this in a while, so it might not be as entertaining as I remember. BUT, it does feature a woman who is dealing with the fact that she killed her own baby(accidentally) and got shipped to another CONTINENT by her husband. I mean I can't blame her for being off her rocker. Of course, the minute Tom Selleck shows interest, she is finally able to tell reality from fiction and her demons vanish. BECAUSE OF THE MUSTACHE. OBVIOUSLY. 

My YA pet peeve

Hello there friends, and welcome to today's Young Adult literature pet peeve.

I know I'm not the only one who has noticed this over the past few years, and I can't be the only one who is annoyed with this trend either. I am referring of course to the trend wherein movies, TV shows and books are titled "Confessions of a ....." or "The Secret Life of...." etc. 

I mean setting aside the obvious fact that all of the movies, shows and books I've ever seen with these titles are, like FICTIONAL, isn't it kind of dumb to name something "The Secret Life of x" when in fact it's no longer secret? Could we rename it "The Formerly Secret, and Now Very Public and Embarrassing Life of x?" Wouldn't that be more apt?

A casual Google search of "Confessions of" returns several interesting results including "Confessions of a Shopaholic," "Confessions of a Call Girl," and so on. (Side note did anyone else ever see that one LiLo movie, Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen?) One is pretty appropriately named, "Confessions of an Innocent Man." So let's take the first one for example, probably the most well known of these movies, which features Isla Fisher being crazy for some stupid green scarf. I don't know. I don't even really like scarves, but anyway, I feel like she doesn't really confess anything in this movie. She joins a support group and then talks about how much she loves shopping, and then like gets better because, Hugh Dancy. I think a series of ACTUAL confessions can be an interesting way to relate a character's narrative, if they ever ACTUALLY confessed anything. 

Moving on to "The Secret Life of..." there are a number of results including, "The Secret Lives of Bees," "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty" and most notably "The Secret Life of the American Teen." So let's talk about that last one, I mean now that Shailene Woodley is going to be in every movie from now to doomsday. Which is fine! She is pretty cool! But seriously, this show was awful. Let's be honest, there were no secrets! No secret lives of anyone, I mean like EVERYONE on this show got pregnant at some point! Even the guys! There was no attempt to hide that fact from the other characters. On the other hand though I did read somewhere that they wanted to name this show, "The Sex Life of the American Teenager" but ABCFamily was like NOOOO. Which, is understandable. But like, they couldn't find a better replacement word? I feel like a better title for this show would've been, "Drink every time someone says sex. Or gets pregnant." Those are actually rules for the SLotAT drinking game, but STILL. Let's just all be grateful that it's over and that Shailene Woodley has found better material out there.